God: person/thing vs. idea

...I've run into a problem:
this is probably going to be short.

I can't connect with God as much in my mind when I think of him as I was taught to think of him-- my mind flips it to something bad.
I was introduced to the idea of seeing God as more of a constant thought/idea...of love (I've added things like peace, joy, happiness, pureness, justness to my thoughts)

But when I think of an eternity- or the reason for giving me grace, anything that I've been given and undeserving of....I can't think of Love running after me and wanting me, it is kind of hard for me to visualize, but I can see God as a being coming towards me and saying "hey, I want you to be mine"

Maybe it is because I don't really know love, the right love, pure love.

Maybe it is because I don't have it right.

I'm going to guess both.
This chapter was frustrating more than anything to me.

I have felt literally everything he had felt and talked about, but he found resolution so much easier than I have.
...I want resolution and peace.
I've felt the peace I want, I think, but then I mess around with the idea-

I need to stop thinking and just let go.
Jump in.
It's alright, there's beauty in the breakdown.

^^thanks Imogen Heap....
I'm going to sleep on this.