I don't know what to take away.- 11

For the first time reading this book, I have no idea what I'm supposed to get from this chapter.

He talks about "coming out of the closet" in a religious way...they (his friends and himself) apologized to the non-Christian members of the school they went to--and people really loved that.
They apologized for everything Christians had ever done wrong, and everything they professed but didn't live.
.....I am kinda mad at myself right now.

I don't know what to say.  My mind isn't working...I am going to try to read this chapter again
I hope it works...

I just can't think.

___________________________________
...seriously, I don't get it.

I still need to work on coming out of my spiritual closet I guess.  I talk to everyone about it now
I think- my thing is- no one will talk back.
and today someone even shut me down about it.

I think that is really affecting me.  Like- I am mentally distressed.  no lie.

Why is it so hard for us to talk about what is on our hearts?  What is in our minds?  Why do we fight everything that is difficult?  We just keep passing through life like it is our little gift and we can do whatever we want.

We can't, this isn't how life works- sorry.  I'm learning this.  You have HUGE consequences when you live your life how you want to.
..Wimps. We are wimps.
I am a wimp.

Hiding and pretending there isn't something bigger than you isn't possible.  Eventually you realize this.
Sorry, there is no way that humans are just here and we have just always been here- that we came from some explosion in the galaxy and all of humankind grew from an Amoeba ....

Now, believe what you want, but I think there is something greater than us out there.
In my heart-- I cannot get it out of my mind--- in my shell of a stupid human flawed body, I know....there is something bigger than me.


I don't think any of this was talked about in the chapter...I just can't get it off of my mind, I'm so frustrated today...I'm not trying to force anything on anyone, understand that if you don't get anything else please.....I'm doing this for me, I want to know..I need to know that I have faith and meaning for something.

I don't get it.  I will never get it.  I will never understand anything-- only that I am here, I am doing what is placed on my heart...as best as I can, and I feel like I'm always going to fail at it, and yet, even though I suck, I will still be loved.

I don't deserve this.  He is too good for me.